Ultimate Horseoscope 2
hashire! hashire! things I can tell about you from your favorite of 120 umamusume!
previously, in my deranged ranting about umamusume: The Tokyo Yushun Is Decadent And Depraved
as a feminist it is genuinely great that guys can dress up as uma musume at cons. when men can have female athletes as role models, not considering her worse or weaker for her gender, but just aspiring to be like her? then Woke will truly have won. @HalimedeMF
As the world becomes more free and diverse, more kinds of people are forced to grapple with the classic lesbian question1: do I want to kiss this girl or be her?
Obviously this question and the changes on constraints in the answer space over time could reveal some really interesting things about how we percieve gender and attraction. And they will, even, as being a girl becomes less stigmatized by society. But now it’s time for:
MORE THINGS YOU CAN TELL ABOUT SOMEBODY BASED ON THEIR FAVORITE UMAMUSUME (if she’s in the first 120 by internal ID number):
(if you do not have a favorite Umamusume you can just read the descriptions to discover which anime girl bearing the name, legacy, ears, and tail of a racehorse from another world will lodge herself in your heart like a splinter.)
(Some Umas have been updated. But you can start at Transcend if you want to get right to the new stuff!)
SPECIAL WEEK - You like white rice, the piano, and childhood friend romance. You had vanilla ice cream with real vanilla once and it was okay but you prefer the normal kind.
SILENCE SUZUKA - You like actual horses. You fondly remember your first love. You know big breasts are overrated, and you want to support your lover rather than have them support you. You know what the RAADS-R is.
TOKAI TEIO - You like short shorts.
MARUZENSKY - It’s that Showa era glamour, isn’t it. That or her swimsuit. You love physical sensations, especially softnesses. You like it when a lady has appetites and takes the lead.
FUJI KISEKI - You know what otokoyaku means. You had a thing for your highschool senpai, and you wanted to heal that sadness in her eyes that only you could see. You think Nanako should have gone after Kaoru instead. You admire the lack of shame with which she wears her racing silks but you can’t bring yourself to look at that diamond cutout without blushing.
OGURI CAP - You wish shounen had girl leads. You don’t like wearing skirts. You may have a connective tissue disorder and you definitely have some level of what people on the internet refer to as autism. You deserve all the food you can eat.
GOLD SHIP - You don’t think of yourself as anything special. You do think the manic part of manic pixie dream girl is the most important. You really like how she’s animated as tall and muscular with the long face.
VODKA - You discover you have a crush when you get annoyed with them, though you would never admit it. You believe anything worth doing is worth doing well from the start; adversity just makes you double down and practice harder. You have dyed your hair. You are in, or seeking, a monogamous butchfemme relationship. ALTERNATELY everything that happens to you is a trial from on high and a baby butch is a kind of wondrous guiding light.
DAIWA SCARLET - You think it’s cool when a girl makes sure to always look her best, even though you would never admit it; you’re relatively straightforward, so you’re not sure why this is hard for you to say. You like holding back and showing off your true power. And motorcycles. You have considered dying your hair. You are in, or seeking, a monogamous butchfemme relationship.
TAIKI SHUTTLE - You think ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ should be a type of girl instead. You have stereotypically American tastes and you are unashamed of this.
GRASS WONDER - You wake up every day, close your eyes, and envision the faces of the people you want to crush. Last on the list is always your own face, to keep you humble. You get annoyed when people call her naginata a katana or fail to note the differences between netorare and netorase. You chuunibyou.
HISHI AMAZON - Either you are a feminist or you have a thing for ‘ambiguously brown’ racialized girls. Or you’re really intensely into Kamen Rider.
Look. There are crown names like Symboli, Mejiro, or Sakura that indicate an Umamusume is part of a particular family or association but most of them just indicate similarities. Airs have high standards; Naritas are two-sided, with hidden feelings; Agnes and Machikane2 denote that there is Something So Wrong With Her. And then there’s Hishi, which indicates that this Umamusume likes cooking. That’s it. There’s just not a lot of depth to them.
MEJIRO MCQUEEN - You’re a sports fan or a tea drinker; you think the best girl in a given show is the one who ends up winning. You really really like it when a girl blushes. In like a pervert way.
EL CONDOR PASA - You know that a girl is her truest self when she’s performing. You enjoy Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.
TM OPERA O - You understand that aura farming is the most important thing in the world, and that death is preferable to corpsing. You are at least aspirationally kind of GNC with it. Fake it ‘til you make it. And beyond. Keep faking it forever. Just let them try and stop you.
NARITA BRIAN - You understand that the noble eagle hunts most cruelly, and that it is the right of the strongest to show weakness. You have a family member with a weird polycule and like, it’s fine but they’re kind of a lot sometimes.
SYMBOLI RUDOLF - Your friends say you were abused as a child, but you consider that an insult to your parents. You fixate on your failures, and you drink a lot of coffee, and so many women think they can fix you. They can’t, of course. There’s nothing wrong with you for them to fix.
AIR GROOVE - You think that being not quite as bad as your friend the Rudolf fan makes you okay. You love it when a woman blushes. What you want more than anything is to welcome your wife home after a long day of work (you also work, in this fantasy; you’re not a homebody and you have your own fulfilling career) and worship her feet.
AGNES DIGITAL - You self-describe as a database animal; you haven’t uploaded anything to Ao3 in months and you feel like you’re letting your readers down. You used to gay ship your friends in middle school; you still do but you’ve learned to be quieter about it. You have tried to rhyme homosexuality and intertextuality. You keep mispronouncing people’s names trying to do the snail bit but with Suu and Madarame. You understood that last sentence.
SEIUN SKY - You are a cat person and you don’t mind getting scratched a bit. You like the outdoors; the beach, the mountains, the ocean. If you get tricked, you get tricked, but you like to pout about it a little.
TAMAMO CROSS - You’re a boke looking for your tsukkomi. Nothing is more moe to you than an angry 50 year old Japanese salaryman with an eating disorder and a death drive. You like that she looks like a funny twig normally and ripped like Goku when she works out.
FINE MOTION - You think ‘Karen’ as a term is a bit unfairly applied; you value a white woman with a sense of whimsy who knows what she wants out of life. You think it’s pretty cool that she’s intersex but you don’t want to make a big deal about it.
BIWA HAYAHIDE - You understand the truth of sisters. You don’t understand why anybody would wear contacts when they could wear glasses. You believe women can do anything, as long as they create and implement an action plan with sensibly-chosen goals. You find polyamory perfectly sensible, and you would like to spend an hour a week doing a partner’s hair as bonding time. You like M types.
MAYANO TOP GUN - You have a fondness for military hardware and a lot of feelings about childhood, prodigies, and potential. The adults in your life treated you as too mature in some ways and too childish in others, and now you have a complex about it. You identify with child characters over adults and you never interact with real kids because you feel like you’d be reading too much of your own life story onto them and that wouldn’t be fair to them.
MANHATTAN CAFE - You know what it’s like to have tummy trouble. You wear glasses. You were the kind of greek mythology middle schooler who got annoyed at Percy Jackson’s inaccuracies and hated Harry Potter before Rowling got terfy; now you read Helen Dewitt, Evelyn Waugh, and Donna Tart.
MIHONO BOURBON - You aren’t always in touch with your own emotions but it hurts you when other people say that. You know Symphogear XV is the best one. Your favorite Gundam is Exia, and you admire Setsuna F. Seiei’s steadfast commitment to doing the right thing.
MEJIRO RYAN - You understand that sufficiently focused jocks circle back around to being nerds. You like sweaty girls with muscles. You have complexes about acting in ways that other people perceive to be feminine, regardless of your gender. You support the token straight girl as an #ally.
HISHI AKEBONO - You think being tall is a character trait.
YUKINO BIJIN - Gosh darn golly. You think “Oh… I’m in the soup” is a pretty reasonable thing to say. You had vanilla ice cream with real vanilla once and it was really good! You like the mob girl appeal of her original racewear more but the ice skates were a little silly; you’re glad she has nice stompy practical boots.
RICE SHOWER - You find yourself sobbing over how strong she is despite her suffering. Nobody understands: they called her a heel but she was really a hero. She’s so small and everybody hates her but she’s actually one of the strongest girls in the world. She prefers bread for breakfast because eating rice reminds her that she can’t live up to her name as a bringer of good fortune. Your feelings for Rice Shower blur the lines between familial and romantic. Once you find another Rice Shower fan you will pair off and devote the rest of your life to ensuring she’s at the top of the Umamusume Pixiv tag numbers together, but until then you are fated to be alone… just like Rice Shower until she met Mihono Bourbon…
INES FUJIN - You think her voice should be lower, and you’re right. You respect the grindset even if you wish she wouldn’t take so much 5 hour energy. You’re the type who wants to take your partner on vacation so they can relax.
AGNES TACHYON - You’re drawn to obsessives like a moth to flame; your relationship history is consequently messy. You like purple girls, and yappers, and self-destructive idiots. The movie doesn’t get into this but you know she just buys nutritionally complete combinations of ingredients and throws them in the blender right? You do? You think that’s hot? You are sick. You are sick in the head.
ADMIRE VEGA - You fell in love with a Catholic girl in middle school. Like, Catholic Catholic. She liked the idea of Original Sin but she didn’t like that Adam and Eve did it to everybody forever; she thought she should be damned for her own faults. You have been in love with this girl for ten-plus years.
INARI ONE - You thought Tamamo Cross should be stacked and from Edo.
WINNING TICKET - People say she’s kind of moody but you really appreciate how much she feels. You’re not super in touch with your own emotions so having somebody who feels that much is actually really nice; it makes her easy to engage with.
AIR SHAKUR - Either you project into this one and really appreciate a more realistic data-centered approach or you are a white femme top seeking a programmer butch bottom. If so, you like them fussy, fatalistic, and microdosing t. You don’t mind sharing with another femme top as long as she also pesters the butch: that means twice the woman games.
EISHIN FLASH - You like everything to be just so. You don’t understand why anybody would wait to get married - or divorced, for that matter. Your ideal date involves mutually planning your ideal date, with logistics and error bars.
CURREN CHAN - The war of all against all is the true nature of the world. Only the social contract stands against it. Humans trade liberty for safety until one rises above the rest to rule as sovereign. And how is that one to be chosen? Cuteness. Cuteness is justice. Through the application of cuteness via modern technology, total world domination can be achieved - humanity’s only hope for peace. #lookatcurren
KAWAKAMI PRINCESS - In your opinion, Precure isn’t Precure without the hand to hand combat.
GOLD CITY - You like self-deprecating blondes who keep it real. With daddy issues. You would never tell a girl that she was beautiful when she was angry but you have thought it, and felt guilty. You enjoy the filmography of Satoshi Kon.
SAKURA BAKUSHIN O - You get annoyed when people call tsundere the defining archetype of the 2000s. Obviously the defining archetype of the 2000s is girls with foreheads. All these people who like armpits are bandwagoning fad-chasers; you know what the real charm point is.
SEEKING THE PEARL - Your favorite im@s character was… Helen for some reason? And you were really hoping she’d get voiced? Huh.
SWEEP TOSHO - You raised that girl in Kinzo’s hidden mansion or you enjoyed Louise no Tsukaima3. Either way you need to repent for your sins. However, there is a third possibility: you are a real and true capital F Feminist. And if so, I salute you.
SHINKO WINDY - You were in your time just as much of an annoying little contrarian. If she bit you, you would yelp and sniffle until she eventually apologized.
SUPER CREEK - We both know what’s going on here.
SMART FALCON - You like it when a closet case tries her hardest. You might be a bit of a sadist, actually. That, or an idol fan.
ZENNO ROB ROY - You love Pippi Longstocking and Heidi and everything by Frances Hogdson Burnett — and of course you love World Masterpiece Theater adaptations. You want to live in Japanese occidentalist Europe, as depicted in The Castle of Cagliostro and Professor Layton games. You watched all of Read or Die for Yomiko, even if it wasn’t very good.
TOSEN JORDAN
“Tosen Jordan… I was put on this earth to love you. Bring me your most depressed gyaru for my pasta extruder”. - max schwartz
NAKAYAMA FESTA - You watched Kakegurui for the gambling. You read Saki for the mahjong. FKMT has you hooked. You just wish he was capable of writing women.
NARITA TAISHIN - You love cats. You have a temperament politely described as “artistic.” Your lack of self-worth leads you towards codependency. Having two girlfriends wouldn’t fix you but it sure would help. Loving Narita Taishin for you is like an act of grace towards your previous self.
NISHINO FLOWER - And what exactly do you like about Itou Hachi, hm.
HARU URARA - You are a studious popculture scholar of all eras. A sharp critic of that reflection in the mirror we hold up to our society. You seek truth in the vivid mosaic made of our most shameless obsessions. OK FINE, YOU LOVE THIS ONE PARTICULAR LITTLE PINK HORSE UNIRONICALLY, IS THAT SUCH A CRIME. She is so spunky. <3
BAMBOO MEMORY - Law and order are best maintained with a big stick and a spunky, can-do attitude-ssu! . You like the version of her in your head that’s a little more butch, with her original concept outfit. You really like that Gold City calls her Daddy.
BIKO PEGASUS - You own at least one Rider belt. You got into Umamusume through Nutrition Warrior Carrotman - Radoron Attacks! Unhealthy Food is Changing the World?! If somebody called the villain Lardron you would have no idea who they were talking about.
MARVELOUS SUNDAY - You wish Gold Ship was shorter and into ancient ruins instead of marine biology, or you just really like her character song. You think that the SD versions of Umamusume who appear on the loading screens are how they should actually look all the time. Possibly for sexual reasons.
MACHIKANE FUKUKITARU - Are you okay. Do you want a hug. I’m so sorry.
MR C. B. - You like outdoor cats, road trips, traipsing around without a care, and Yuko from xxxHolic. You get sad every time you walk by a fishtank. You think people can’t tell how lonely you are and you’d freely admit that.
MEISHO DOTO - You can’t look away from a girl and you don’t know whether you want to kiss her or be her. She is everything you aren’t; she has everything you want. You’ve never been comfortable with your body and looking at hers makes you want to die and she keeps showing it off like she knows exactly what she’s doing to you. If she ever found out you would kill yourself. Or you think her little :3 mouth is cute.
MEJIRO DOBER - You prefer Rei over Asuka. You would be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder if you weren’t too anxious to go in about it. You might not be a creative type yourself but you love what creative types produce. You find the insecure tsunderes of the 2010s much preferable to the grating tsunderes of the 2000s.
NICE NATURE - You have former gifted child syndrome. You were never at the top of the class, but you had a solid position - so what happened? Where did everything go so wrong?
KING HALO - You know the truest beauty blooms amid adversity; dirt, blood, sweat, tears, and single motherhood are the mark of a first-rate Umamusume. Either you or your significant other has suffered from child abuse. You know that the cuckquean is actually the most important part of the scene.
MACHIKANE TANNHAUSER - You are Chinese. This is reductive I know but like, the Chinese national character is built on suffering/resilience in a way that makes me understand why they love this one over there so much.
IKUNO DICTUS - You are a feminist. You think of yourself as a bit flaky but everybody around you thinks of you as extremely dependable because you always let them know if you’re going to be late to an appointment. You have no idea this is the case.
MEJIRO PALMER - My god do you yearn. Your smile is slightly pained and your eyes are dead. She would understand. You would sit on a bench with her and you would both lean on each other and stare at the clouds together, and neither of you would need to say anything. Golf is a sport best played alone.
DAITAKU HELIOS - You might not understand that Twin Turbo is a different character but you have the skibidi rizz spirit, and that’s what really matters. You like that she’s into girls, although you personally might read her as pansexual, and you care about the Zoomer/Gen Alpha distinction in your brainrot. You really wish she could say “lowkirkuenly.” WEI! BET! WOOOOOOOO!!!!! Fruity femme baddie in a top hat GNC af! Boots!
TWIN TURBO - You might not understand that Daitaku Helios is a different character but you have the skibidi rizz spirit, and that’s what really matters. Her zest for life never fails to put a smile on your face. Turbo Boost! SPREE!
SATONO DIAMOND - You say you like her outfit, and it is cute, but you really like that meme of her with the long tongue. You really like childhood friend romance. It gets you every time.
KITASAN BLACK - You like short shorts and +80 Specialty Priority. You’re really helpful all the time because you’re terrified of people not liking you. You’re going to love Katsuragi Ace.
SAKURA CHIYONO O - You like moeblobs and you like them traumatized and gay. Yuno Hidamarisketch, Suletta Mercury, Wakaba Mutsumi. You’re a fan of Studio SHAFT and you think that age-gap is normal for gay people. That’s how gay culture gets passed down, historically. So it’s fine that Maruzensky is doing that.
SIRIUS SYMBOLI - You want a woman who hangs out in seedy bars playing pool to bend you over the table and slide her cue on your body. You might not be lesbian but you are definitely in favor of them. You like jerks who are not-so-secretly actually good people, especially if they are pretending to be French. I can’t blame you for this one.
MEJIRO ARDAN - You preferred Season 2 Mcqueen to game Mcqueen, and you were right.
YAENO MUTEKI - The only thing cooler than a secret fist technique that lets you punch a guy in half is constantly restraining your power. You can feel the flame burning inside you… it’s building up… HOAHHHHHHH!!!!! You think she should spend time with Kawakami Princess to learn that girls can be girly and also punch things.
TSURUMARU TSUYOSHI - You like short shorts and chronically ill girls.
MEJIRO BRIGHT - You like fluffy girls and characters nobody else cares about.
SAKURA LAUREL - You quietly have very good taste. Yes, I’m reading Star Blossom. Yes I know she is so cute with Tsubaki. Yes uh-huh I also hope it gets animated. Yes Snow In Hazard needs to get added ASAP.
NARITA TOP ROAD - You have objectively flawless taste. You are so right that more people need to watch the Umamusume: Road To The Top ONAs, free right now on Youtube! All four episodes! Yes I love how she’s in love with Admire Vega! You can watch them right now! Free on Youtube! Featuring everybody’s favorite Class Representative, Narita Top Road! That’s right! Wait… what? You only like her because you think NTR is a joke? Get out of my sight and never speak to me again.
YAMANIN ZEPHYR - Literally all the other Sprinter Story Umas are more interesting.
FURIOSO - Who is this? Legitimately who is this? I have never seen a single piece of meta writing or fan art that so much as features this Umamusume in the background, and I’ve been pretty deep. Where did she come from? This can’t be a real Umamusume???
This is where I stopped last time. Some umas have been updated but everything below is new content.
TRANSCEND - You’re a tareme-type bottom, possibly with a stutter. You would express your true love after being married for five years by gently pulling the glasses off your spouse’s face exactly once.
ESPOIR CITY - You liked Beginning of A New Era alright but you thought Jungle Pocket should have been ruder and more femme.
NORTH FLIGHT - You noticed Bakushin Bakushin-ing wildly about looking for her rival in her story mode and developed an elaborate hurt/comfort headcanon about how lonely she was at the top before you read Star Blossom/saw that Ligne Droite event and discovered Bakushin was married. You do wish people were willing to translate more stuff about North Flight in her own right.
SYMBOLI KRIS S - Mihono Bourbon was too Super Robot for you. Mayano Top Gun was too childish for you. You keep a password-protected folder of fully-clothed armed Kurdish women.
TANINO GIMLET - You’re investing early and you are so right; aneki-type futchy chuuni Vodka but for western esotericism is going to hit English-speaking Umamusu fandom like a bomb.
DAICHII RUBY - You picked Mejiro McQueen with the starter 3* ticket but she wasn’t quite uptight enough for your tastes. You would like to wear a little butler outfit and follow her around, and you kind of wish people would call you a “mom friend”, even or especially if you aren’t a woman. But you would never say so.
MEJIRO RAMONU - The less an older woman cares about you, the more you want her approval. You would throw yourself in front of a car for a glance, a slightly lifted chin, and a “Hmph. Acceptable.” It might be a low self-esteem or parental trauma thing but more likely you’re just really really into that. Like concerningly so. You have favorite MirAndy authors.
ASTON MACHAN - You love the sakura scattering on the wind, the scent of nostalgia, and terminally-ill romance stories. Your favorite Mari Okada is Anohana. You own a Ma-chan plushie and have considered cosplaying her; you already know more about Ma-chan and Ma-chan’s other devotees than I could ever tell you. DON’T FORGET ASTON MACHAN. You certainly won’t, and nobody else should ever either. In fact, you (so so many of you) wrote in to me after the first installment specifically to ask where Ma-chan was. Here she is. I won’t forget her.
SATONO CROWN - Your favorite Bocchi character is Nijika, and you can’t understand why she’s always the one with the most merch still available. Oh well — more for you!
CHEVAL GRAND -
(I think she’s bi, actually.)
VERXINA - This is about as revealing as Super Creek, honestly. It’s very obvious what the two things that could be going on here are, and if I met you it would be immediately obvious which one it was. But I’m not going to say it.
VIVLOS - You don’t think you’re that smart, really, but you know you can get away with more if others underestimate you. And you like playing around anyways! You can only really relax around other people who’ve figured that same thing out.
DANTSU FLAME - Vanilla ice cream tastes the best when it’s melting in the sun.
K. S. MIRACLE - From the moment you first saw Kaoru-no-kimi you knew you wanted to be a musumeyaku. You love the sakura scattering on the wind, the scent of nostalgia, and terminally-ill romance stories. You care more about your partner’s wellbeing and pleasure than your own — because they certainly won’t. That’s part of why you were drawn to them.
JUNGLE POCKET - You don’t really want to hurt anybody but you do want to fight and win. When somebody falls for your bravado instead of playing along that actually makes you a bit uncomfortable. You’re about two steps more femme than people read you as, and you fall in love quite easily.
BELIEVE - Happiness is an untrustworthy emotion; you prefer satisfaction. You really do believe in the power of craft. Perhaps you yourself are a kindred spirit of mine? Let us walk forward on our own two paths, with but a fleeting nod between us.
NO REASON - You’re very excited about the Ribbon Warrior adaptation.
STILL IN LOVE - People don’t appreciate how sweet and kind she is. Like there’s all that other stuff, and you like that too, but Still is a gentle and delicate girl and they need to recognize that. You’re only interested in dating one person at a time yourself but you kind of like watching your partner go after and top others.
COPANO RICKEY - You don’t actually believe in luck, so you saved up enough carats to spark her. She’s going to show up in your first 30 or so rolls anyway because your phone just happened to be aligned to the Third Harmonious Jade Meridian.
HOKKO TARUMAE - You were really thrilled when Tomakomai showed up in Golden Kamuy. With the racetrack and everything!
WONDER ACUTE - You’ve always liked yokan, and you wish Werther’s Originals were a more socially-acceptable favorite candy.
SOUNDS OF EARTH - You think TM Opera O should have been a band kid instead of a theater kid. Not winning any graded races doesn’t make a true aura farmer any less powerful.
ok. I believe that is 100 Umamusume.
ROYCE AND ROYCE - You think Business Casual should be the default mode of dress, adjusted of course for circumstance. You are in favor of capsule wardrobes, capsule hotels, and encapsulation via classes as a means of compartmentalizing data.
KATSURAGI ACE - If you haven’t seen Kamikaze Girls GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW. You can thank me after Ichigo becomes your entire personality. This is the horsegirl you hoped Kitasan Black/Oguri Cap/Jungle Pocket/Vodka would be.
NEO UNIVERSE - Frequency mistranslation: Class Parameter “Outsider” registered as “Foreigner”. The “dust tail” of XPRY’s “meteor” arrives with “parabolic antennae” as well.『Some things are different here…』. Well, she seems to like rollerblading at least.
HISHI MIRACLE - Perhaps… you might be a mysterious uncle?
TAP DANCE CITY -
LEATHER JACKET = LESBIAN. LESBIAN = NO MONEY. This is Tap Dance City. Do you understand?
First impression of Tap: Ugh, a capital-E Extrovert “insufferable sunshine straight girl.” Doesn’t seem like my type.
After seeing the casual clothes: 170cm butch-with-a silver-spoon musume. lezmusume bianmusume* butchmusume queermusume ibanmusume** yeomisae*** girl crush overload, pissing me off. King-annoying queen-annoying, Lesbian Top on Tinder, only goes to queer bars and queer clubs, a Coupang**** butch. Then it started sucking*****. Lived up to the nickname******.
*비안 (bian) as in lesbian; from Japanese ビアン (レズ being somewhat crass. though the original poster was uh, not particularly concerned with crassness.)
**이반 (iban) = Korean slang for gay, from 離反 (alienation)
***wiktionary gives this as as slang short for, I kid you not, 여자에 미친 새끼 (yeoja-e michin saekki), “fucker crazy for girls”
****as far as I can tell this is like calling somebody an amazon basics butch
*****untranslatable korean idiom. 빨기 (ppalgi) can refer to physical suction or ‘sucking up’ but I think here it’s “she stuck to me” - ie ‘that’s how she won me over’.
*******ie; the poster’s username: butch restaurant reviewer ‘ban’. I believe this is in the sense of like, ‘reviewer who goes to the restaurant to order/eat/review butches’. butch restaurant reviewer ‘ban’ you have my full support in all your endeavors.
DURAMENTE - Victory comes when you overcome your own failings, not when your opponents lose. If you think loss is a moral failing then the horse you’re actually looking for is Gentildonna.
RHEIN KRAFT - While you acknowledge its flaws, Second-Wave Feminism will always be the ideology that you credit with saving you.
CESARIO - You like white rice, the piano, and childhood friend romance. And soft butches. And you know what? That’s just fine.
AIR MESSIAH - You capitalize all your sentences, even when texting, and you prefer to write without abbreviations or contractions. You know what you like, and what you like is Air kanmei types.
DARING HEART - You are the only person on Earth who likes reptiles and is actually normal. You like the other ones well enough but they can get a little weird about it. Long have you dreamt of encountering a kindred spirit.
FUSAICHI PANDORA - You know blondeness is a kind of spiritual state. You don’t understand why all the other former gifted kids seem to be so loud about it online; you’ve done just fine for yourself, even if you feel like the real gift, which you lack, is the ability to stick with a project and struggle through.
BUENA VISTA - You’re probably having a wonderful time, you true osananajimi warrior you. Congratulations on living in a world where everything caters to your preferences. Must be nice. Unless you’re a girl, in which case you deserve this. Congratulations.
ORFEVRE - Your favorite T.M. Opera O moment was the 2000 Arima Kinen. You accept Unlimited Blade Works as a counter to Gate of Babylon because Gilgamesh accepted Shirou’s worth in that moment but you think Gilgamesh getting eaten by Sakura was a total cop-out on Nasu’s part. You’ve practiced giving foot massages on people you weren’t attracted to, because you know the second you get to touch the feet of somebody you are, you’re going to lose all human reason.
GENTILDONNA - True strength is the ability to crush your opponent; intellectually, socially, and physically. It is the right of a beast to affect nobility. Loss is a moral failure. That’s why you work out.
WIN VARIATION - Ballet dancer. If you’ve met one, that should be all you need to know.
ADMIRE GROOVE - You fell in love with a Catholic girl in middle school. Like ‘raised in a Catholic orphanage’ Catholic. She will never so much as blush in front of you, and you’ve accepted that. You have devoted your life to her, to her vague puzzlement, and made it clear that you have no expectation of any kind of return; you understand that this is deeply twisted on your side but you have accepted that about yourself. You have been chastely married for ten years, purely for legal reasons. You do think about her kissing other girls sometimes though.
DREAM JOURNEY - Ave Mujica drew you in, but you have no resistance to the sick otoge technologies of Disney’s Twisted Wonderland. But all her behavior is completely reasonable when you remember: she’s 4’8. No wonder that horse was cornering stablehands and biting at their carotids.
…maybe I shouldn’t have told you that. You look a little too excited.
CALSTONE LIGHT O - You like funny little creatures and you like taking them absolutely seriously.
DURANDAL - You like Saber, especially in Carnival Phantasm and Hollow Ataraxia. You just wish she was French and silly with it. Well here you go!
BUBBLE GUM FELLOW - Sometimes there’s a totally normal Umamusume. And sometimes there’s somebody who likes that. I guess it takes all types.
120 UMAMUSUME. OKAY. GET HORSEOSCOPED.
Look, I’ll throw Cingray exclusives and non-trainable umas in with the next batch. 120, a significant number of whom can’t be trained in global right now, is a lot.
also commonly faced by transgender. This is because she is disproportionately likely to be lesbian or bisexual.
yes, Machikane. Matikane is the deliberately shortened version to fit the horse name regulations
if you corrected this instinctually, I’m so sorry. but that counts.
thank you for translating that tap dance city post because I don't think any translation tool could properly convey OP's... passion
This is Tap Dance City. I understand now.
I was reading these and just going "haha" for most of it, but the section on Satono Crown nailed me so hard and accurately that i got really scared..... boniji is my fav ship! bokita and boyoyo are not bad either though