Phallic Vulnerability II
applications and implications
So in Part I I established the thesis underlying a counter-framework to the common understanding of the penis as an implement used to dominate, control, and cause harm. Maybe that all stuff holds true for everybody else’s penises; I don’t really care. But when a transgender woman has it, that is a special kind of vulnerability, not a threat or weapon.
How does that organ make her vulnerable?
Well, society hates the clitoris. No wonder that a transgender woman, who has essentially biologically more of that, causes such revulsion. But beyond that:
We’re used to thinking about the vulnerabilities conferred by the standard set of female genitalia1; menses is painful and messy, pregnancy and childbirth exact heavy tolls on the body, and the womb’s ability to be impregnated irrelevantly to its bearer’s consent is the source of a truly horrific amount of fear and suffering.2
What, then, are the vulnerabilities associated with the non-standard set?
Chief among these is the social. Transphobes hate the whole transgender woman of course but the part they hate the most is her penis — hence their fixation on policing bathrooms and sexuality. Just by having that she is rendered vulnerable to the predations of bigots who use it as a justification for declaring her a threat, to the point where many trans pursue surgical intervention to feel safe.
Now of course this vulnerability wouldn’t matter in a post-transphobic world, but despite my best efforts we aren’t yet there. The fear of involuntary impregnation wouldn’t matter in a truly feminist world either.
Obviously nobody3 enjoys an impact between the legs but trans women have, well, more attack surface. Her there is vulnerable to both social threat of revelation and physical attack — but the most beautiful vulnerability that her transness gives her is, I would say, her lack of ability to conceal physiological arousal.
APPLICATIONS AND IMPLICATIONS:
Given that her there is a delicate and vulnerable place, how should she be touched?
Gently. Softly. Obviously on estrogen her whole body becomes more sensitive, and she more comfortable with being touched on it. One of the most awful bigotries is touch starvation — though you may find it necessary to just hold her for a while while she cries and such. Which can also be nice. But maybe not what you were looking for. There are so many places on a transgender girl that she is so starved of touch for; put your fingers to them. Neck, ears, inner wrists; the small of her back, the gap of her thighs, her feet . Her there is important but it’s not like sex for anybody is just that.4
You may find it necessary to counterbalance her lingering body image problems with her there, no matter how much biology on the homologous structure of the clitoris you impart to her. The ideal method is by gently stimulating her nipples, a pretty definitively girl part of her body that she will not have thought to touch herself. Or else she just pulled on them way too hard and then got discouraged, because nobody tells trans women that that isn’t how to do it. There really should be a book. Written in a clinical yet accessible style.
What about oral?
Well what about it? Straight people and gay men seem to think that giving head is a fundamentally submissive act. Ridiculous. Only lesbians are reasonable about the whole thing. Just like basically every other romantic and sexual norm. Giving head, like almost everything else, is contextually dominant, submissive, or uncharged depending on the people, roles, and energies involved.
You are putting her most vulnerable place right by your teeth. She is the one who has to trust you here. Obviously she can take charge with her that, and possibly some sidenafil, but the default expectation is that the person with the sharp bits is the person in control. Of course it can be fun to pretend otherwise but you should be aware; it may be expedient to convince her that it isn’t something that’s going to hurt you, by putting your own fingers and such in her mouth, and also yours.
What about the strap?
Well, the strap is pretty definitely an implement of dominance. I guess somebody could sub with one of those but it isn’t really… it’s used to cause sensations, not feel them. Look okay I know about strapless and double-ended and texture-ended of those but given the angles they do stimulate and the ones they don’t it’s not a vulnerability. The strap can feel good, and can provide psychological and physiological pleasure to the person using it, but it’s not sensitive in the ways that an actual body part is.5
But a strap can be considered such an implement because that’s how it functions, and it can function that way, as a permanent marker of dominance, because it is removable! Trans can remove hers, once, but then she stops being trans, and also the strap is good at and for different things. Probably if you’re the type who likes using one it’s great to use on a trans. But I’m not interested in doing that myself.
Well this advice all seems a little lesbian-centric. What about men?
Well what about men? I am a lesbian so of course all my advice is lesbian-centric. Well then, men, what you should do is talk to your straight or bisexual transgender woman, and listen to and satisfy all her needs. Simple enough. Don’t mess her up.
I here exclude hormonal configurations and social costs, as properly treated transgender women have natal female-equivalent balances and most people can’t actually tell trans women apart that well, so they’re subject to most of this anyways.
One must be careful not to confuse this with the closely-related fear of rape. rapists go after the vulnerable, and transgender women get raped at really evil rates, even relative to the evil rates at which non-trans women do.
bar specific types of masochist. I guess. who love to pop up in my comment section to say “AHEM well ACTUALLY”. well, you are seen.
if you think it is. you should go study some things.
which isn’t to say that choking on a strap can’t be fun, or that it isn’t polite to “give that thing a few cranks like you’re starting a lawnmower”.
Genital homology mentioned 🔥💯🎉🎊👍
Something I feel worth noting is that learning one’s body is capable of feeling (and by extension provide) pleasure without reliance in that, helps to erode the vulnerability you here speak of (at least within an intimate space). A lot of the preconceptions and hang ups one might have regarding sex pre transition remain as is unless challenged after all. Mind you this does not mean its role is magically deleted from the affair, but it does recontextualize it for the better.