kinds of non-trans likely to be nice to you

please don't die alone

You have to get out of the house and be less lonely. Please. I have been sick in bed since Christmas and I am losing my mind. I am well enough now to be briefly back at my computer and only take two naps a day but I can’t take this any more. Somebody has to do something with all my energy and it may as well be you.

Obviously this is no guarantee that every person of the following demographics will be a decent human being but hopefully this helps.

So! Where do you look!

Old-school fandom people. Spirk shippers; fic writers; dreamwidth and tumblr and ao3 users. Star Trek specifically carries with it the dream of a pluralist future, however amateurishly realized; our slash-author foremothers carry that dream forward. As white as they often are, they will try, and that’s better than a lot of other people ever do. Join a fic circle! Sign up for Yuletide!

Any kind of hobbyist interested enough in a specific topic that their love for it and desire to share it overcomes their hesitation about “what if I say something wrong and she cancels me?” Most normal people, for some reason, think that transgender women have the power to cancel them — when the reality is sadly the opposite. Consider model-makers, fiber artisans, chess players, roleplayers, and type A grad students. Unfortunately women’s sports are kind of a culture war battleground right now but there’s a comparatively high proportion of lesbians who do them and most lesbians are on your side; consider activities that skew younger and less competitive, like rock climbing or aerobics, or activities that skew definitely competitive but in ways where being a sore loser is a bad look, like martial arts. Birdwatchers especially skew older and liberal.

Fujoshi will accept you without question if you can prove that you have the Fujoshi Factor. You either have it or you don’t. Not having it will make you much happier and more fulfilled, in your life.

Gay men who like Nintendo.

People you repeatedly come into contact with. If you’re in school, you should be able to get at least one classmate — or teacher — you’re interested in staying in contact with per semester. Get somebody’s number at the beginning in case of absences; perform well in class and help others out with your extra time; trade papers for read-throughs, and keep an eye out for who writes well. Other students like this will also be looking for you! Co-workers often make good ‘activity’ friends — not the kind you’d want to have over and relax with, but good for a day hike or a drive to new place during lunch break. You should watch a few more mainstream currently-or-recently-airing shows or movies (sports fills this niche) so that you can have weekly discussion topics.

Weeaboos with good taste. Do they know Miyuki Sawashiro? Have opinions on Ippei Gyoubu’s design work? Garupan fans will consider you a girl without question as long as you can drive a tank. Ave Mujica fans will consider you a girl without question as long as you are mentally ill.

Green Flags:

• Shoujo Kakumei Utena

• Nichijou/CITY

• Chainsaw Man Part 2

Yellow Flags

• Monogatari

• Zeta Gundam

• Neon Genesis Evangelion

Red Flags

• Gundam SEED

• Sword Art Online

• Solo Leveling

On that note, the furtive himedanshi may become a pleasant, if reticent, companion. No, not all of them are trans. Some of them are just like that.

Befriend lesbians! You’ve seen the chart! It’s true: lesbians are the single group most likely to be there for you. The right lesbians will hang out with you and talk about how awful gender norms can be with you and yes, even date you if you both feel you are compatible. As I move through the world I keep hearing about lesbians who had one ‘guy’ friend growing up who was the only one they felt fully comfortable around and then discovering ohhh she was a girl the whole time that makes so much sense! This is a very normal experience for girls who are discovering that they prefer girls and girls who are discovering that they are girls to have. We have so much in common and mending that gap is one of the most important things in the world to me.

Yes, the second wave was full of terfs; yes lesbians are often (justifiably) weird about men. But you aren’t men, and you don’t need to feel politically affiliated with a demographic you are not. Men can do just fine without you.

Obviously you should have a reason to spend time with anybody such that friendship can form. “But Halimede,” I anticipate your saying, “I don’t have anything in common with cis lesbians! What would we even talk about!” Yes, you come from different worlds (I’m going to have to write an article on gendered socialization and the pedestal you keep putting us on one of these days) but we are not that different! Here are some “trans-coded” things I have seen afab lesbians who are not me do for fun, to force you to understand that sometimes we have similar tastes:

Get really into Japanese homofascist Mishima Yukio

Enjoy visual novels and fromsoft games

Have so so many artbooks of [anime waifu, withheld out of respect]

Speedrun Hollow Knight

Schedule out nights for Final Fantasy 14 raids

Build gunpla

Complete a living National Pokedex

Play magic gathering with her wife’s ex

“But Halimede,” you may say, “my tastes aren’t as refined as yours! How will I know what people want to hang out with me!”

I have found the single best predictor of whether or not somebody is a wonderful person with excellent taste who would be glad to spend time with me is whether or not she reads my blog. Although most of my readers are transgender women, not hanging out with any other transgender women is like not hugging your sister because you’re afraid of incest. If you just simply meet up platonically and spend some non-sexual time together, with other readers of me, you can have a nice and wonderful time together without anything else going on. Just please go spend time with people in this beautiful new year full of potential. Please.

Keep in mind: finding friends is like dating in that coming on too hard will often give people the ick. Just plan things — if they plan things, that’s a good sign — and let it lapse if it isn’t working out. Friends are like capital in that having some makes it much easier to acquire more, and it’s important to have a base as early as possible because of how exponentials work.

I need another excedrin.

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